8/31 Dreaming

It is so strange to me that I should still have so many school-related dreams. Last night I dreamed I tried to set up my own sub, forgetting that the person should have a degree and clearances. The major themes of the dream were about getting to school on time. It really does amaze me that it all worked as well as it did for all those years.

I thought yesterday about all the things I thought I'd have time for once Bob went back to school. I have been trying to fit them in, little by little, but I haven't touched the piano or picked up the box of things that need a little repair. The days seem to fly by, just as they did when I was in the classroom.

The other night when our friend Bob was over for dinner, I got an email from a former student (I guess they're all "former" students now!) about her first day at the high school. As I read it, I had the only glimmer of nostalgia. I do miss my colleagues, horribly, but that is tempered by the knowledge that I will see them when I want to. Students are different: most of them probably won't remember they had me, or be cognizant that I am gone. Their lives go on and I won't have any more stories to share at the dinner table, or at parties.

That really is the only "regret," though. Every time I open the paper or listen to colleagues talk about what is happening in their buildings, I am glad I no longer have to fight the system. I think of all the things that have gone by the wayside as the emphasis on testing continues to grow. Students from the past talk about the things we did as a team, back when all anyone talked about was the multi-disciplinary approach. We went through peer editing, transition to workplace, grading in pencil, formative evaluation, cooperative learning, project-based curriculum, inter-disciplinary units, teacher as facilitator, I could go on and on.

Every time, we thought we had the answer or at least were a step closer to it. And every time, just as we got good at what we thought they wanted us to do, it changed. The most recent changes, though, are the most alarming. In our district at least, there was a single-minded focus on the tests and the prescribed curriculum. If we followed the "rules," there was very little place for personality and creativity in a field where those two things were what set apart the good teachers from the mediocre ones. Students didn't care whether you were on the correct page of the curriculum for that date; they cared that they were learning and that you were at least fair. If you were also an adult they could trust and and enjoy, so much the better. My fear is that there is less and less to enjoy.