Well, by now I am at least able to take full breaths and push the panic down to where it doesn't debilitate. I have cried, sworn, slept fitfully, and also had to process Leonard Cohen's death. Watching the news and seeing the smug faces of Gingrich, McConnell and the like still gives me a queasy feeling.
But, here is what I have decided.
I am involved with local government as a Council Person. I am one of two females. To be honest, local government doesn't really involve much partisanship. We vote about which roads to pave, whether to buy a new garbage truck, things like that. The President of Council is a well-meaning man who has been serving for many years. In private once, he told me what an asset I am and that he is happy I am there. In public, he makes jokes about females. But no more in my presence. I plan to call him out about it the next time it happens, the more people there, the better.
I have many relatives, friends and acquaintances who are very conservative. Some of the acquaintances may drop off my radar screen, because turning 60 has helped me reset priorities about how I spend my time and my serenity. With the relatives and friends, for the most part, there has been an understanding that we will always disagree, so we rarely go there. I usually pass by their facebook posts and choose not to respond in face to face conversations. They are people I love, even if I don't love what they believe.
My issue is that I was raised by a family whose background was of not having much to spare. My mother was one of eleven siblings, eight of whom made it to adulthood. My grandfather, whom I never knew, was injured in a steel mill before the days of unions and protections. So, my Granny went to work and he stayed home and cooked and baked and took care of the children who still needed caring. They both cried almost every day about that. She worked in restaurants and cleaning for people and doing whatever it took to put food on the table.
My mother, 90, lives with us in the house where she was born and raised, where we moved in 1980 to take care of my grandmother. The defining characteristic of life in this house has always been to share and welcome anyone and give them what they need. She talks of how my grandfather would never let anyone leave without having something to eat or drink. And how he stood to one side every day at dinner and didn't eat until he was sure his children had had enough.
That attitude is part of the very structure of this place. I enjoy having people here, and we have made friends of many strangers who have passed through. Throughout the years, we have opened our home, sometimes for months, to people who needed a place to stay and help in whatever endeavor they were involved, whether it was attending school, trying to find a permanent Pittsburgh home, or passing through on their bicycles as they journeyed through the U. S.
We never stopped to think about whether they "deserved" our help and hospitality. We didn't vet them through any agency to see if they might be unworthy. We just opened our door. To be sure, in some very few cases, we may have felt that they actually could have stayed elsewhere without great burden to themselves. But, even in those cases, we found their company and conversation to be interesting enough to have them back.
When I talk to anyone having a bad day, or going through a particularly rough period, or just trying against odds to accomplish something, my immediate reaction is to start thinking about how I might help. Most of my family is the same. I have a cousin whose daughter recently donated a kidney to a 4-year-old stranger, surpassing anything I have ever done to boost someone's efforts or ease their way.
That is why when I hear people talk about whether others "deserve" the help they might be getting, whether through health care, or EBT, or whatever it may be, I literally don't understand the conversation. When people need help, they should get help. Period. It is what Jesus did, it is what my grandparents did, it is what I do. And when the same people who question this consider themselves good Christians (and I know they do, because they tell everyone), it confuses me even more.
This week, we all suffered a blow the effects of which wont be known for a bit. People have been sharing their thoughts. But, here is what else we need to do: act. Share your thoughts through your actions. I have contacted the local Democratic Committee to see what steps I can take to help make a difference in the mid-term elections. I will call out those who use sexism and racism and other forms of intimidation against those of whom they dont approve, when it happens. Most of all, I will continue to help others, regardless of whether they seem to be deserving of my help. Because that is what I do and that is what I think we should all do.
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